I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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