I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
