He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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