My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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