it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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