I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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