everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
