Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
