he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
