All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
