forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
