just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
