i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
