i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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