My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
