He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
