remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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