Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
