Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
