hotel room ftw
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
