Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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