did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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