Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i now understand why vodka
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wear drunk well.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
