having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
