If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
