ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
