Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can vaginas get frostbite?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
