I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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