they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
