My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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