Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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