so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
