went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
