Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
