A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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