dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
