i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
