I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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