You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
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I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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