I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
