I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
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she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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