if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
