: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
