i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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