well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
