Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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