I just threw up on my dentist
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
