ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
