I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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