there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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