I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
