When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
