Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
