If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
