Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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