I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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