i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize