I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
