The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
