When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
