This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I love you. Go after that dick
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
