Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wear drunk well.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
