god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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