Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
