omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
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I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize