Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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