Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
