pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
