i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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