FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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