How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
